Chosing Integrity: It might be difficult, but worth it in the end result.

I often write about Integrity– one of my own personal choices in life. Although I take a great deal of “heat” in doing so sometimes…I make the choice of handling issues in my life with Integrity: you know, making the right choice in spite of the outcome. That involves telling the truth. Sometimes, these “truths” are said to others… even when they might not be welcome at the time.

When one chooses not to address a wrong, especially if it affects others negatively, to me that’s prideful. It’s the easy way out and it’s the path of least resistance. I believe it translates that you care for your own well-being more than the well-being of others. That, to me, lacks integrity. With this choice, we are more concerned with being “liked” and a “good guy”  than trying to right a wrong that is clearly evident and hurtful to others.

True, when we make the attempt to correct a wrong…we usually ruffle some feathers. We have to actively step out of our own comfort zone and approach someone who has been safely “existing” (perhaps not even living) in his/her comfort zone. It’s difficult to address someone about his/her negative choices in life that affects others. But it can be done. It’s the most difficult when it’s someone we love.

Do it with great thought and prior contemplation. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy or the popular route. But, it makes the world a far better place for all. In the end, you can live with yourself and you have “stepped up” to the proverbial plate.

The Lottery of Life

     In reality, all men everywhere—are created equal. We really are. It’s almost so simple, that at first glance, it might be overlooked. In contemplation, we see the sameness. We all have the same basic needs for: food, clothing, and shelter; the same basic desires for: love, understanding, and compassion; and the same non-ending tests and challenges to not only be better people for ourselves, but for the community around us. This applies to every man, every nation, everywhere.   Recently, I looked at our great country through another’s eyes. Often we take simple things in life for granted and need to be reminded how truly lucky we are to be Americans.  We know that already, but every so often it’s good to be reminded.

     Her name is Omotayo Omobolanle Onuoha, but you may call her “Tayo” (tie-o) and she is from Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria. This is the story of how she came to Richmond Hill, Georgia in the Unites States of America in 2002.  In theory, it’s rather simple, but in actuality the odds are astounding.  Tayo won the Green Card Lottery in 2001 in Nigeria, at the age of 26, which allowed her to gain permanent residence in the United States in April of the next year. While millions of people throughout the world look to the Green Card Lottery as their best hope for obtaining a U.S. Permanent Resident Visa, many Americans are not even aware the program exists. What is the Green Card Lottery, how does it work, and most importantly why is it good for America?

  

     The Green Card Lottery sets aside 50,000 permanent resident visas annually, commonly known as Green Cards, for citizens of countries with historically low numbers of immigrants coming into the U.S. and makes these visas available through a free lottery. The purpose of the program is to encourage diversity amongst U.S. immigrants. In fact, the correct name for the program is The U.S. Diversity Program and was created by Congress in 1994.   The program makes permanent residence visas available to persons meeting the simple, but strict, eligibility requirements. Applicants are chosen by a computer-generated random lottery drawing.

    Tayo comes from a family of five grown children; she has two sisters and two brothers, in addition to her mother and father and she is second in line. However, she might be the lucky one in the family.  She spoke of how her father had often won small amounts of “nairas,” the native currency, by submitting her name to Nigerian lotteries.  That fact alone, made it apparent that perhaps there might be something more.  It was at a friend’s urging that she sent in her free application to the Green Card Lottery.

      The requirements are strict in that you must have a minimum of a high school education, you must submit a picture and other credentials, sign your own application in cursive, and be able to work in the U.S. immediately upon entering the country.  This is so the winners are not a burden on American society; they are immediately given a Social Security number. In addition, they must have a fellow country man, already living here, who is willing to house them for a period when they first arrive and get adjusted.

     Tayo’s family was so thrilled when she was one of the few people from the entire country of Nigeria who won the lottery that year.  Of their five children, all of whom hold a higher education degree jobs in Nigeria are just not available.  If Tayo were to come to America, she would be able to work and have a better life.  But it almost didn’t happen.  Initially, she was to have gone to New York City to live with a distant relative, but at the last minute the offer was rescinded. Then through a connection at her mother’s job, there was a mention of a doctor here in Richmond Hill, Georgia whose family might be willing to give Tayo a place to live while she got settled in the U.S.   And so it happened that the “good doctor”—Dr. Olatunji Awe, an Internist, and his family became home for Tayo for the next eight months.

     Ford Academy, which will be celebrating its Fifth Anniversary this fall, became Tayo’s place of employment.  It was under different owner/directorship when she first began working there, but is now successfully directed by Jeralyn Wilson.  Ford Academy has a staff of over twenty and when they are at full capacity, each school year, over a hundred children.  Jeralyn views the fact that Tayo continued her employment there as “a blessing.”  Indeed, it was very evident that the care and affection between the two was deeper than employer and employee.  “Ms. Wilson is my mother here,” Tayo said smiling.  And if Ms. Wilson is her female angel than Jody Laing is her male angel.

   When it became time for Tayo to get her first apartment, it made sense that she be close to work.  She explained that one of the other ladies she worked with lived nearby in an apartment complex and it was suggested that she check there herself to rent.  As it turned out, there was a vacancy and she moved into her own place and was finally on her own!

   A few months into her rental, Jody Laing, Sterling Real Estate Incorporated, had occasion to enter the apartment for a repair job.  Surprised that there were no furnishings whatsoever…he asked Tayo why she hadn’t moved in yet!   It didn’t take long to determine that she had in fact moved in, but she had nothing in the way of furniture.  She slept on her small pile of clothes on the floor.  Tayo had a roof over her head, she had food, and she a job.  America was wonderful.

     Much to her surprise, while she was at work the next day, the big-hearted “Mr. Jody” furnished her apartment from top to bottom.  When she came home the next evening, the realization this was all given to her from someone who was neither family nor countryman was “a miracle.”  She leaned in when she told me her excitement about her good fortune extended to the fact that “I couldn’t even close the door, when I was in the bathroom…I was so happy and I wanted to see out.”

    It has been seven years since Tayo arrived in America and many things have changed.  True, she still lives and works in Richmond Hill, but she is now married and the mother of a two year old son, Emmanuel.  Although Tayo was dating Remigius Ndidi Onuoha when she first arrived here, it was not until 2004 that they married in their home country of Nigeria. It has been a lot of red tape to get her husband here to Richmond Hill, but he’s here at last.  Hopefully, a job will come along soon.  He was a Public Officer in government relations for many years in his own country. 

     One might wonder exactly when Tayo sleeps!  Over the years since she has been here, in addition to her job at Ford Academy she also worked in the Bakery of  Kroger where she often gave out “too many cookie samples.”  She watches other children on weekends and just recently enrolled in Savannah Tech where she later will transfer to Armstrong Atlantic University and finish her B.A. degree in Early Childhood Education.  Her hope is to give back to our community by being a grade school teacher right here in Richmond Hill. There is not a doubt that Tayo will be a more than welcome addition and enrich the children’s lives considerably.

     “Everyone here has been so nice to me,” she said.  She feels particularly fortunate to be working with such wonderful people at her job.  The gals at work gave her a Baby Shower and she was again extremely touched.  “I had no idea just how I was going to get anything for a new baby…but they gave me everything…just everything.”  Shanna Neal, a coworker, was particularly instrumental in making the event successful.  Just as wonderful was Ms. Wilson going to the hospital with her for the delivery of her son. 

      I knew without asking, but I asked anyway: “What is your favorite American food?” “Sweets,” she told me, “We don’t have any and I could eat them for breakfast lunch, and dinner.” 

      Pushing further, I asked, “Is your favorite oatmeal raisin cookies?”  Her eyes grew wide.  “YES!” and she clapped her hands in excitement.  “And…?” I said.  At the same time we both said: “Apple Pie!” and laughed!

     Ilorin, Kwara State, Nigeria is home to over 146 million people.  The average income per capita is the equivalency of $2,200 per year.  Although her siblings are educated, they are without jobs; there are none.  Where Tayo covets sweets because she never had them in Nigeria—she makes hamburgers for her husband, any meal he wants, including breakfast, because meat is not plentiful. Children who go to school start learning English at an early age, but not all children finish school.  In our time together we discussed frankly young girls sold into slave trade, poverty and lack of employment, Polygamy which is a widespread practice, and the general problems of the African people in the modern world.

     What was impressive was how this young woman, now in her early thirties, had not only come to America all on her own with nothing but a few clothes in a bag, but had embraced our people, culture, and customs.  What was especially noteworthy was the fact that Tayo was so sincerely thankful for everything she did have, now and was willing to work even harder to give back to others in gratitude.   Omotayo Omobolanle Onuoha thinks that America is the best place on Earth and the people here, especially in Richmond Hill, the most caring, loving, generous people of all.  It’s hard to argue with facts.  We are Blessed.

Hurting Others!

Many things hurt us as individuals. Some of these hurts we can control…but often some are beyond our reach. God often deals us tests and challenges as does Nature. Understandably, we are hurt, dismayed, and feel “lost.” These hurts are part of life and are for the most part uncontrollable. Hopefully, we weather them with dignity and experience personal growth.

But, sometimes we are hurt by other humans. Usually, they direct their own hurt towards us and it is for the large part unwarranted. Why are they purposely trying to hurt us…we might wonder. What’s in it for them? The statistics of those who have been abused themselves, now going on to be dysfunctional in some fashion… is astounding. Often, we excuse the abuser because it’s thinly disguised as “love.” 

However, what is more astounding is that many who have been abused, now CHOOSE to hurt others. The dysfunction is perpetuated if they now, as an adult, abuse alcohol or drugs; this affects their loved ones. Likewise, the abuse is perpetuated if the abused child, now a full grown adult, tries to verbally or emotionally abuse others; this affects their families, friends, co-workers and neighbors. Because they were hurt as a child…they somehow feel it is ok to hurt others… now!

The irony here is that not only do they not feel better, but now the abuse is being perpetuated by them…even if thinly disguised. They have bought into the statistical odds of being an ABUSER themselves. Making someone else hurt: physically, emotionally, or verbally, rather than healing yourself from the inside out, is similar in my mind to putting a gauze bangage around a cut that really needs twenty plus stitiches. It will sort of look like it’s healed, in time…but there will always be a contant reminder of the event(s) that brought the injury to light in the first place.

We can all  make a decision that the HURT stops with us. It need not and can not be passed along to yet another generation. Follow the Biblical phrase: Do Unto Others… as You Would Have Others Do Unto You.