Been abused? Then don’t pass it on!

At one particular meeting I was asked,  if I actually believe that someone who had been abused … could really heal. This person had been verbally abused for years; first by a parent (now dead) and more recently by her husband from whom she is now divorced.  When this question was asked of me … it was asked sarcastically and with a great deal of anger.

I knew this woman’s children and all of them were now wearing the “scars” of their mother’s own  experienced abuse.  Nothing they did was ever right; yet, she was not a good role model for them herself… according to her actions and practices.  They were worthless and useless; yet, there was little positive reinforcement and direction in their lives or lessons on how to be “better.”  Children of all ages need direction.

The children were told over and over how abusive and contolling their father was; yet, it was in their father’s care they remained… when she left their home.  She complained about her life, put down others, pointed fingers, and was negative…at everything in her life…past and present.  What was evident was that she was so close to the situation that she honestly didn’t see herself as being the “new” abuser to her own children and those around her
Abuse, even verbal abuse, takes on a life of its own.

If you have been the recipient of constant verbal negativity, ( or perhaps just sometimes)—and you choose to pass it on—you are perpetuating the hurt and abuse that you yourself have experienced. How does that make you any better or different from your own abuser? If you have been the recipient of Verbal or Emotional Abuse…it is never ok to pass it along.

My answer is clear; I do believe you can heal from abuse. However, you don’t heal when you become the new statistic and now you yourself are the abuser. It’s up to you.

Lenten Positive Practices

Procrastination; just in case you didn’t “get to it” yet!

It’s difficult to even think of one time, when procrastination has been beneficial in almost any context.
Honestly, I have been thinking on this intently for quite awhile. Does putting something off, regarding health, ever work out? Does carrying those extra twenty pounds, smoking for several additional years, or ignoring that small lump or skin discoloration…really get better over time? How about things in our personal life? Does it make sense to “wait” before intervening in our children’s bad behavior? If one waits long enough to discipline a child when they are young…they are neither able to understand rules later on nor able to grasp that bad decision making has negative consequences…when they are teens. Or, if we are aware that our “significant” other is being unfaithful or is struggling in some other moral area…does it miraculously go away because we pretend we don’t see it or know of its existence? No. Similarly, has it ever worked to our advantage when we are unhappy in a situation be it at home, school, or on the job…and have not spoken up, that it has actually turned around all on its own in our favor? When does that happen? As annoying as those cliches and phrases are, you know: “The early bird catches the worm,” “Don’t put off until tomorrow, what you could be doing, today,” etc. etc. they are so true. They particularly apply to the negative things, I think.
So…here’s to speaking up and making changes, accepting personal responsibility for actions either given or received that need to be altered, and beginning, at least, to make changes in all the negatives in our lives.


Lenten Positive Practices

BLAMING OTHERS is not the answer for our own shortcomings!

It is easy in life to forget that we are responsible for our own success, happiness, and inner-peace.  It is often the case that we blame others rather than own up to our personal failures because of bad choices.  Many people I speak with have difficulty in this area.  It is always someone else’s fault that they didn’t get the promotion. It is because of a difficult childhood (past or present)that they are unhappy or not accomplishing what God put them on Earth to accomplish. Or…the most difficult to overcome is a lack of inner-peace. Often, this lack consumes all energies and thought.
“Why can’t I be happy?” The answer is rather straight forward and so simple that it might elude us at first.We give happiness to ourselves by accepting equal amounts of credit for a job well done and at the same time, owning up to human errors in judgement and personal failure. It is not necessary to be perfect, but what is necessary is to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for our actions and place in life.
If we are not happy where we are in life, who we have become, and what we are doing…we need to change…not the world around us.  Be pro-active in these areas and success, happiness, and inner-peace will follow.